Dear San Diego, Thank you. I’m Leaving… It’s Not You, It’s Me.
Two years ago, I chose San Diego as my home. I felt called here, I had friends and colleagues here and it was often sunny and felt peaceful by the sea. San Diego is a LOT less of a busy scene than LA, but with a lot more “happening” than on the north shore of Maui.
It seemed like the obvious “right choice” for a happy place to settle down after a solid decade in Los Angeles and an extended stay on Maui. I wrote ALL about my time on Maui in my first book, “Why Not Me?!? 12 Lessons a Year on an Island Taught Me About Living my Dreams, and How you Can Live Yours, Too.”
There has truly been nothing “wrong” with my life in San Diego. That’s probably why many people have been asking me “WHY” am I leaving? Why would I sell my dream house a block from the beach? Why would I be looking to transfer the lease on my dream car to a new owner? WHY would I possibly give up this life that looks “perfectly fine” to anyone who follows me on social media?
Well, if you know me at all…or, if you’d read my book or any of my past Medium posts, you know that I am extremely intuitive and authentically honest about what’s truly important to me at this point in my life. The only time life has steered me wrong is when I’ve NOT followed my intuition and I’ve crashed and burned and had to course correct.
To that end, a few months ago I hosted my 50th birthday party on Maui. I cannot remember ever being happier or feeling more peaceful and relaxed and excited to be alive than I did the moment I looked up from “making a wish” (see the look on my face in the below photo) and saw how much fun everyone around me was having. THAT night was life-changing as I found myself telling a few friends just days later that I was planning to sell my house and car and all my “stuff” and get my dogs prepped to fly to Maui.
The simple answer to the “WHY” is WHY NOT??? Why would I NOT want to spend the next 50 years (or however many I am fortunate enough to have on this planet this lifetime) where I am my happiest and healthiest? It became a NO BRAINER. Within weeks of telling my inner circle of my intentions, I had lined up a rental house in the desired location with a fenced in yard for the pups; I found out the rules have changed from a 120-day to a 30-day waiting period for the dogs to fly to Maui; and basically everything else shifted and aligned it was impossible to ignore all the signs. MAUI is where I am supposed to be.
The last time I relocated to Maui, it was never with the conscious intent of “moving” there. I wasn’t ready to make that comittment to cut ties to the mainland. LA and I had a much better relationship than I ever had with other places I lived (NYC, West Palm Beach) because it was sunny, warm and back in the day, fun and friendly. After losing my mom in 2014, I had a hard time finding peace. I was a hot mess, to be honest. I needed to leave LA for an extended time to rest and focus on healing from the grief and trauma, not to mention toxic mercury, heavy metals and mono! Maui was the place I found my peace. I restored my health (with the support of a village of healer friends) and regained the strength to retry life on the mainland as a “normal” CEO of a busy luxury travel business.
In the past two years, since returning to California, I’ve bought a house I never ever imagined could be mine. I’ve loved (and felt really safe) driving a Porsche SUV, the car I wanted for years! I got to know some really cool people, and am grateful mostly to those who helped support me on my mission to stay healthy while acclimating back to the busier pace of life. These are the people I will miss the most after leaving here tomorrow, but thanks to social media and texting, we will stay in touch.
Two HUGE things happened to me that are truly memorable about this two-year stint in San Diego. I wrote and published my first book from the very same kitchen counter I writing this “Goodbye SD” post from. And, I rescued a gorgeous golden/cocker spaniel pup after “randomly” googling “San Diego cocker rescue” one night when I was bored and missing having a third pup in the house (I know, I am THAT crazy dog lady who wants to rescue ALL the dogs). The minute I saw Pono (formerly known as Han (online), I had to go get him. It was love at first sight (something that NEVER happened with any humans I attempted to meet online). That’s a whole other subject…I just did NOT connect with the type of men I hoped I might during this SD chapter. I went on some fun dates, had a few short-lived “relationships”, closed out some karmic lessons with a few old flames AND realized that all of this was exactly as it was supposed to be.
My time here in San Diego was meant to be pretty uneventful. The lack of drama that ensued during most of my time here (with a few exceptions) gave me an opportunity to know what it feels like to just live, in a world that isn’t mired in my own health issues, work stress, PTSD from too many family deaths in a short time. Owning a house and running my business and taking amazing care of my pups and myself became my top priorities. I had a semi-social life here, but nothing very exciting. That’s probably my fault, as I really enjoyed the peace and quiet my space-filled house afforded me (something I’d never truly gotten to enjoy) ,and I turned down more work and social invites than I accepted. After a while, you stop getting invited to things you choose to skip.
I am leaving on a jet plane for Maui tomorrow, with my three dogs, a few suitcases, my computer, sundresses, flip flops and a HUGE amount of peace and joy and excitement about the future in my heart. This move is also scaring the f*ck out of me, because truly, who knows what comes next? I have no clue, but I do know I am following my inner GPS to the island that brings out the best version of myself. And, for that reason, it’s goodbye San Diego. This relationship is officially over. I will always be grateful for the safe haven you gave me during a time I was unsure about where I was meant to be. But like any relationship that runs its course, it’s best to move on with gratitude and love and appreciation for the experiences. The memories aren’t that memorable, but I’ll take non-memorable over terrible.
All in all, the past 2 years here have been an opportunity to quietly grow my company’s revenue by 30% (!) from a peaceful home office, to stay healthy, write a book, rescue another dog and allow the quieter lifestyle to lead me to hear my own heart and soul, and to follow both to Maui. I’m excited to see what unfolds next, and I truly do trust the unknown chapters in this book of my life. It all comes down to 1) not settling for an unsettled life that feels boring 2) choosing JOY 3) opting for peace in the land of ALOHA.
Stay tuned. And, if you’re so inclined, check out my new Maui-based Instagram account @SpiritualTravelAgent for daily insights and inspiration.
Happy 2020 and may you never be afraid to listen to your own intuition xo
